The Drive

Dr. Jamshid Ibrahim
2007 / 4 / 11

The Drive
I failed my first driving test. I remember when I entered the office all eyes looked up to me in expectation of some great news. Then everybody started comforting: Don’t worry you are not the first one. You will certainly pass the next. After that I started rationalising myself. I thought it was the damned traffic lights on the left. They confused me. They were deliberately fixed either too high or too low so that they can be easily overlooked. When the day of the second test came I was very nervous but I thought this wouldn’t change anything for the tester would fail me anyway. After steering a zigzag course he asked me to park on the right side and then turned to me coldly and said: finally you have passed the test. I felt on the top of the world. Oh yes, I had already bought a car. It was an Alfa-Romeo, my first car waiting for me to drive her. Unfortunately it took me some time to get used to driving such cars. But I had a very important dream to fullfil, my family’s dream: Take a photo with your car and wife in front of your house. I still have the picture. You see me look very proud as if the whole world belonged to me.

Then the car became part of my daily life and I enjoyed driving long distances and giving women a ride whenever I could. I thought, as other people often suggest, it was a symbol of freedom. One day, however, while driving, the world appeared to me as if I was in a dream. I didn’t know whether it was me who was driving or just a film I was watching. I started touching my body to be sure it was real. I started even singing. I tried smoking and drinking some coffee just to divert my attention and re-establish the link with the reality and the present. Nothing helped, so I was forced to drive to a motorway service area to recreate and regain my energy. From now on the driving pleasure turned to fear and I was happy to have someone with me in the car lest the film started again. I told nobody about it but I at least could go to consult a psychiatrist. She advised me to stop driving altogether and added: The car will kill you or your nerves one day. I couldn’t listen to her so I continued driving. However, one day I decided to sell the car and stop driving because I was short of money. I couldn’t see all the invoices in my letterbox anymore: car insurance, car tax, car maintenance and repairs and paying for petrol and ….

Ten years on I have become more sensitive about cars. Every morning from my bedroom I hear car doors making clung, clonk noises, people getting in and out their cars. I believe this permanent noise will drive me mad one day. I also find the view of cars parked on both sides of the street where I live unbearable. In addition I have to inhale the exhaust fumes they leave behind. Car owners rob my freedom and health for the sake of their own. So I thought of getting up after midnight und damaging their cars or at least letting their tyres down. Personally, I have not given up the idea of driving again though. You know because of the freedom….. Every year I say next year I will buy a car.

Last night I was driving again in my dream. Some people who knew me looked at me as if saying: be careful you need some lessons before you start driving again. I didn’t pay any attention and turned right into a dusty road. I was on my way to a city far away. As I was no more familiar with roads I decided to ask somebody the way. I didn’t know how to read maps let alone use global positioning systems (GPS). Then I saw a man walking my direction. Although he looked very oddly at me as if he was up to no good I decided to ask him. I parked the car to listen to him showing the way. Then I noticed him calling the police and mentioning some kind of accident. I said there was no accident. He said: I will do as if there was one. I need you to pay for my car repairs, you know. He suddenly began damaging my car and removing the paint from the front side. I went amok to drive my own point. I must have been so furious, I remember I got into my car and started driving at him as fast as I could, hitting him right in the face. Then a police car stopped me accusing me of causing an accident, killing a man and what’s worse I was convicted on a hit-and-run charge.

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