I Without Me

I without Me
Yes, I painted the façade, not Me because I can’t bear any little scratch or dirt on it. I often have a close look at it when I go out. I am obsessed, my eyes are like a magnifying glass then and if I find anything no matter how small or trivial I try to remove it. If I don’t I remain restless and fall into a deep depression. When the work is done I am usually very proud of it seeing how the passers-by admire it thinking that such a spick and span house must accommodate something even more precious. So I sometimes help with a lick of paint to look as clean as a whistle.

Drag me inside and chaos is my home. Often I can’t even find things or walk easily without hitting me. It is full. Dust piles up on nearly everything and you see me sitting and wondering where all the dust comes from. Moths feel at home and go inside everything. You can’t even see me if you ever dared to come inside because dust is on me too.

My lips part and I ask: Why me? There is no answer from me. This is not me but I. Let me go and start something else. Don’t be a coward, risk me. I say no. How? Who? Where to? What? I am always intimidating. No, this is not me. Change me, take me, and carry me anywhere. Just let me be me. There is no energy left in me but I don’t ask for help because I am conceited. I am a pretender or is it me who wants to keep appearances? No I don’t think so; I know exactly what is in me but I left it and wronged numerous times. I am false and I am a liar but believe me the truth lies inside me.

Jamshid
Bremen, 1st June 2007



Postscript
The subjective or nominative I is outward (on the surface) ie appearances are deceptive. I is the open self but Me reflects the inward, the hidden and the true self. There is a dialogue and a conflict between the two selves. The JoHarry Window of different selves. This is psychology but used in business as well. In addition I/eye is a word play here.

Is it The fall of the house of USHER by Edgar A. POE? No, my house hasn t indeed collapsed yet but even if it collapses on me a new one like it will be erected in its place soon by somebody else. In addition my house looks beautiful from outside unlike Usher s. Have a look at the last sentence: the truth lies inside me. It can be read as:
1. The truth tells lies inside me because I am a liar
2. Or the truth is in me.

The truth is in me even though it tells lies. It might suggest that the inward Me although shelters truth is in fact deceived by truth itself to satisfy the outward I and thus to protect the house from collapsing.

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