CELESTINES: A Play by Ilyass Chetouani

CELESTINES
By
Ilyass Chetouani






Dedication
To my mother, who does not understand English, with love.





Table of Contents

Setting
Characters
ACT 1
ACT 2
ACT 3
ACT 4
ACT 5
ACT 6
ACT 7
ACT 8







Setting
Place: Eternal Place
Planet Earth
Time: Eternity
Present Time







Characters
The Four Fathers
The Holy Father
Moses
Jesus
Mohammed
Adam
The two concubines
Gabriel
Michael
The Bad One
The Holy Mother
Celestines






ACT 1

Scene: An old, dilapidated, and quaint living room. The room has an aura of melancholic datum and lachrymose happenings. In the midst, a round wooden table stands while the entire Abraham family gathers around it. They keep looking at each another in ponderous yet absurd way. The father, Moses, is seated on a mat, askance, facing his two concubines. The rest of his progeny, Jesus, Mohammed, and Adam, standing, donned in robes and cassocks, appear distraught and about to confabulate.
Mohammed. (Takes few paces towards his father, tries to speak but dithers, tries another time, sotto voce, only with fallow and stertorous voice.) I had a bad dream last night.
Moses. (Unmindfully) Don’t you know we are not supposed to recount bad dreams!
Mohammed. (Disquietly) Damn it, father! Haven’t you heard the latest news? People Down There don’t think and behave like you do anymore. It’s a new age. So, I heard.
Jesus. New age!? What do you mean brother?
Mohammed. Well, not that I was eavesdropping´-or-anything of that sort. I just overheard two celestines talking about it.
Moses. Talking about what precisely, my son?
Mohammed. To do them justice, they didn’t say it --dir--ectly, I just concluded myself.
Jesus. (Impatiently) Would you speak already!?
Mohammed. Well, do you remember last month when He, the Holy Father, was sitting by the Holy River alone brooding about? And when you Jesus went on to enquire upon his business, he ranted at you. Ooh! (Sniggering) He even drubbed you.
Jesus. (Abashed) Just continue you. Will you!?
Mohammed. This morning, while I was grazing my cattle, I chanced upon two celestines eddying by The Holy Mountain. They seemed rather disconcerted. I tried to stop them, but in vain. Only one of them told me pell-mell that The Holy Father is not feeling well, and that He is going to summon all of us today for impending news. I tried to glean some more. I just couldn’t. They were in such a hurry.
Moses. Outlandish.
Mohammed. What’s that father?
Moses. This has never occurred before now.
Mohammed. You can ask Adam. He was with me.
Moses. (Inquiringly) My youngest and dearest Adam. Is it true?
Adam. (A little boy. Clutching to a concubine, as if shy to speak) Ita, Pater meus.
Moses. (Yelling) How many times have I said it to you! No Latin in the house.
Jesus. (Guilefully) And no Arabic as well.
Mohammed. Hey! What’s the matter with Arabic? Don’t you know it’s still spoken Down There?
Jesus. So what?
Moses. (Angrily) Shut up both of you! So, it’s true, I reckon.
Mohammed. (Ironically) And the truth shall set you free.
Jesus. Freedom! What do you know about it?
Mohammed. Not much really. As far as my tragedy is concerned, It’s arrant surrender to Divinity. The zenith and na---dir--- of human dignity. The ductility of body and reason. Simply put, turpitude incarnated.
Jesus. What tragedy?
Mohammed. Tragedy of fate.
Jesus. Mine would be immortality.
Mohammed. How’s that?
Jesus. Immortality is promised but never earned.
Mohammed. What are you thinking?
Jesus. To think is to mistake. I don’t think. I believe.
Mohammed. Well, what do you believe?
Jesus. I never dared to believe. Even when I was Down There. My task was to guide. I was a cicerone you see. I have been destined to. Do you recall the long-written Slogan. The Lord is My Shepherd.
Moses. So, it might be true then. The Holy Father is making an Expurgation.
Adam. Rebellis!
Jesus. What are you talking about, old man. It’s been ages now and rumors have circulated the Holy Place, yet nothing really happened. Why must it now?
Mohammed. He has done it in the past. It wouldn’t be new. He blots out what He wills and confirms what He wills. And with Him is the Holy Book.
Moses. (With intrepidity) If what you heard Mohammed is the truth, then, my sons, we are doomed!
Mohammed. (Sadly) This means ... (Hesitates to continue)
Jesus. Doomed? What do you mean father?
Moses. Ah! Jesus. You have always been the jejune one. Didn’t you the one who taught the People Down There to beware of false gods?
Jesus. (With docility) Yes.
Mohammed. (Shrewdly) They missed that one. Didn’t they?
Moses. And you Mohammed, didn’t you teach that He is one, and nothing is all?
Mohammed. Meetly, father.
Moses. Didn’t you affirm olden commands and expunged blasphemous entities?
Mohammed. With gambit and acumen.
Moses. And you my beloved Adam, didn’t you sit by your Holy Father and witnessed works of prodigy? Didn’t you acquire His sound methods of coruscation and splendor? And didn’t you impeticos grand reward and gratillity?
Adam. Indeed, father.
Mohammed. Impeticos!? What an imperious word.
Jesus. (Superciliously) Words, if used seemly, can freeze cataracts and melt opal.
Mohammed. (Ironically) What about gold?
Jesus. (Indifferently) It used to be valuable Down There. Here, opal worths everything.
Moses. (Amazed) An Expurgation! The Holy One must have received An Ending Letter then.
The People Up There must be deliberating His Manumission!
Adam. Servitum!
Moses. Oh dear!! This means that…
Mohammed. It can’t be.
Jesus. What!?
Moses. (Feeling infirm) My sons, as old age draws near me, I must confess to you, for I can’t hold my peace any longer. (The second concubine approaches him, has her arms around his head, as if to comfort him) It is written that secrets are deep and dark. I have been soiled, draggled, and tarnished with inveterate lies and wiles. (Quietly continues) Darkened by the very deceit and prevarication of His most doleful device. God has prevailed over himself, and so Man has. People Down There as we left them, are no more. No more!
Jesus. By God!
Mohammed. (Reminiscently) My God! That’s exactly what I dreamt of yesterday!
Moses. The day at The Holy Mountain, I felt an augury.
Mohammed. You never told us what really happened there!
Moses. I wanted to speak, yet I refrained.
Jesus. (Astonished) Why father?
Moses. I was threatened.
Mohammed. By what?
Jesus. By whom?
Moses. (Laconically) By Him.
Mohammed. (Overtaken) The Holy One!?
Moses. Yes. (Checks the door and windows outside) During that night, as I was seated on the Holy Rock, praying and supplicating His benison, I heard a commotion. I turned around and behold! There was a mighty conflagration before my very eyes. At first, there was no entity to sight, only a bevy of flaming fires and rumbling sound. I had no choice but to recoil in staggering fear. Followed by a strong crepitation, a voice, so mellifluous and sweet, called me from the depth of that blaze. (Stops as if feels tentative)
Mohammed. Well?
Moses. It was a Woman.
Mohammed. (Surprisingly) A woman!?
Jesus. By God! A maiden!?
Moses. As fair as the moon.
Mohammed. Did you converse?
Moses. Certainly.
Jesus. With regard to what?
Moses. Everything, I surmise.
Mohammed. What do you mean by everything?
Moses. A revolt.
Jesus. I’m lost.
Mohammed. (To Jesus) You are always lost.
Moses. It was a Celestine.
Mohammed. A concubine?
Jesus. A servant?
Moses. (Affirmatively) It was God herself.
Mohammed. (Astounded) Herself!?
Jesus. (With fear) The Bad One!
Moses. No! She is God herself. The Bad isn’t bad at all.
Mohammed. I can’t believe it!
Moses. The Bad One isn’t bad at all. Do you see? (Again checks door and windows) She told me The Big Secret.
Jesus. (Startled) The Bis Secret!?
Mohammed. (Interjects) That’s impossible. No one knows The Big Secret except …
Moses. Except who?
Mohammed. Two!
Moses. You must understand me. The Bad isn’t bad at all. The Holy isn’t holy at all. It all started with a woman.
Mohammed. But the Slogan Here tells us that the Holy One is Father and The Bad One is Mother. We are born erring because of the Mother, and die virtuous thanks to the Father.
Adam. Patris!
Moses. The Father and Mother are consubstantial!
Jesus. What about the Bad One? Who is it? Where is it?
Moses. That’s exactly what I am trying to explain to you. (Stops a while as if to reflect) I haven’t yet finished. Like I said. She was a perfect being to behold. A true heavenly entelechy. A conglomeration of benignity, hauteur, and grandeur. But enough of de---script---ion. As I watched her come near me, something strange overtook me. A chimera loomed upon me.
Mohammed. Revelation?
Moses. Not exactly.
Jesus. Fear of death?
Moses. Not even close. It was a sort of phantasmagoria.
Jesus. Of the soul?
Moses. Of the past and future. How it all had started and the way it will end.
Jesus. (Assertively) Expound father!
Moses. (Focally) Let me recur. A woman. Etiolated. Spindly. Gossamer. Encircled by a hallo of regal fulguration. She spoke to me in compendious felicity. She divulged how parted she felt as subject of treachery and Bad Intention. I tried to intervene while she talked. I couldn’t. Her purity of mien and soul hampered me. She claimed a past attachment with The Father. He was her gossoon. (Tries to continue quietly) As you might have already espied, She had been in control before all this were meant to be. Before everything came to existence. She even created
People Down There. The Father couldn’t tolerate the idea of female supremacy. With the avail of The Bad One, he toppled Her governance, and cantingly dethroned her. Years went by, and the Father decided to abate the frustration and ire of The People Up There. Hence, he devised a new plan to redeem Himself. As responsible of the Human Gamut, he resolved to envoy messengers so that his authority should be known, and dictatorship be grasped.
Mohammed. (Stiffly) Impossible!
Jesus. (Enquiringly) And you believed her?
Moses. (Pushes the concubine away) avaunt you currish trollop! (To his sons) Of course, I did.
Mohammed. What propelled you?
Moses. (Digresses) How can you tell a liar?
Jesus. Liars swear to God.
Mohammed. Liars lack proof.
Adam. (Still clinging to a concubine) Ut obliviscatur.
Moses. Liars believe in gods. And how can you tell a lying god?
Jesus. How?
Mohammed. A lying god changes his mind.
Moses. A false god needs an enemy. A cover-up for his oversights and infirmities.
Jesus. (Reproachfully) How could you trust a woman?
Moses. I didn’t trust her. I took her words under advisement. That’s what skeptical people do. They believe half of what they hear, and none of what they see.
Mohammed. Skeptical people don’t outlive their assumptions.
Moses. They outlive their wits.
(The first concubine places Adam on the floor. Readjusts her wimple and goes towards Moses)
Concubine. My dear master. Don’t fret yourself. Do you wish to know the secret of women?
Moses. How would you know? You are a damned slave!
Concubine. (Submissively) I know so master. you don’t have to remind me of that. The problem of women is that half the time they don’t know what they want. They are ultimately subject to emotional and corporeal vicissitudes. Any attempt to tamper with that principle, you’ll encapture their heart and soul.
Moses. What about their mind?
Concubine. Mind!? It’s defunct, my dear. Women are but children that never grow.
Jesus. (Ingenuously) Oh woman! How great is thy faith!
Mohammed. That’s nonsense. (Fulminates) Women are made to serve us men. Anything shorter than that is demeaning to the very fabric of her nature. The Holy Father has taught us that men are more favorable than women, in physical labor, reason, and Eternal House. It’s an olden Law, written and decreed by The Holy Father himself. (Feels gratified)
Moses. That explains it.
Jesus. Explains what?
Moses. (Quietly) What I told you about the Holy Mother.
Mohammed. (Incredulous) There is no she-God. You are jabbering!
Concubine. (Naively) A she-God, is that her name!?
Moses. That’s not her name.
Mohammed. Does she have a name?
Moses. Ssayli.
Jesus. What does it mean?
Moses. (Quietly) The Lord is my enemy.
Jesus. Which Lord?
Mohammed. Your Lord.
Jesus. Yours too.
Mohammed. I don’t deify a bawd.
Jesus. A bawd! (Correctively) You mean a pimp?
Mohammed. Both!
Concubine. (Absurdly, as if feeling lecherous) Coitus solves it all!
Mohammed. What are you talking about you whore!?
Jesus. (Jolting Mohammed) Don’t call her that!
Mohammed. (Languidly) Your mother was called that. You didn’t do anything about it.
Jesus. (Doubly irritated) Of course I did. I wasn’t there. But I defended her against her accusers.
Mohammed. (Contentiously) You were there. And you stood watching. You didn’t defend her. You abstained. You were an absentee. A truant, you always have. That’s it with you. Shameful!
Degrading!
Moses. Stop! Both of you now. I have had enough of your puerile behavior. Can’t you see the gravity of this problem!
Mohammed. (Agreeingly) A quandary!
Jesus. A nodus!
Mohammed. Now what?
Moses. I feel confused. To solve this matter, there is only one thing that ought to be done.
Jesus. Praying?
Mohammed. (With zest) Scimitars!
Jesus. And fight against whom?
Mohammed. The Apostates!
Jesus. (Facetious) where are they!?
Mohammed. Everywhere! Including here.
Jesus. You must be demented. There is no death in here!
Moses. Not according to The Holy Book.
Jesus. My Holy Book!?
Mohammed. (As if loses patience) You didn’t inherit the Holy Book. It must be mine.
Moses. It’s One Holy Book.
Mohammed. So, it’s mine.
Moses. The Holy Book is a complot. There is no Holy Book. Well, at least not practically.
Mohammed. Practically!?
Moses. Well, do you remember the Ten Orders?
Mohammed. Oh! Let me remember! (Takes a while) Thou shall not see and yet believe. Thou shall seek Me. Thou shall die. Thou shall meet Me.
Moses. Proceed!
Jesus. (Ironically) He must have forgotten. He always does.
Moses. Well, my son!?
Mohammed. I have the rest of them here somewhere. (Fumbles through his clothes) I swear I had them with me. I even wrote them on a palm leaf.
Jesus. A palm leaf! Who would dare to do that!?
Moses. (To Adam) My youngest Adam. Can you tell us what the rest of the Ten Orders are?
Adam. Nolite te mendax imperare.
Mohammed. Don’t let the Liars fool you!?
Jesus. Control!
Moses. That’s right.
Mohammed. That’s it? What about the rest?
Moses. There is no continuum.
Mohammed. I’m lost.
Moses. The fifth is All. It overrules all that precedes, as well as what follows.
Mohammed. Overrules? I don’t get the point.
Moses. It’s the Original Order.
Jesus. The Original!?
Moses. That’s the Original Law before the revolt ever took place. It was decreed long before the Holy Father assumed power. It says it all. Thou shall not let liars rule over you.
Mohammed. What about the penultimate Ones?
Moses. What about them?
Mohammed. What do they stand for?
Moses. The four Original Orders give import and account as to why All exist. Ssayli had written them down and were officiated by the People Up There. They first had few expostulations, yet all went well as Ssayli convinced them of Humans’ peculiarity.
Mohammed. What’s so peculiar about Man?
Moses. He never settles for truth.
Mohammed. What’s the truth?
Jesus. The truth of what?
Moses. The truth behind All this. Let’s start with the first Law. Thou shall not see and yet believe. People Down There never saw any of This. They never saw the Holy Father. They never believed for certainty that God, The Eternal Place, Concubines could ever exist. Even when we were Down There, the People renounced us, trounced us. They took our words and Laws for a fib. However, a bundle believed and earned Eternal Rest.
Mohammed. And the others?
Jesus. The Unbelievers!?
Moses. They shall dwell in The Bad Place.
Jesus. For evermore?
Moses. (Morosely) That’s what the Holy Father had decided long ago.
Mohammed. (Sternly) They didn’t believe! They deserve it.
Jesus. They didn’t see!
Mohammed. What do you want them to see?
Jesus. The truth!
Mohammed. The truth, what a pompous word! Courage, on the other hand, is the only virtue worth having.
Jesus. The courage! to what extent?
Mohammed. The courage to vie yourself and the whole world. To say and do what others even fear to think at.
Jesus. What others? There are only us in here.
Moses. (Continues with serious) Thou shall seek Me, the second Law states. A few are courageous to look for God and think differently. It’s the second Law that tests Human Will. This tenet speaks to the very foundation of human nature. (Adds with humour) As you should have noticed, humans are intricate, complex, and they elude comprehension. The finding of the Holy Father is an arduous task. But how God is to be found? This seems the essential cause. Here comes our role. We the messengers have tried since ages to make known the Holy Creed. Belief in God and Get Eternal Rest. This begins with Death, Morituri. The answer to this search lies in an ending, not a starting point. Do you fathom the problem?
Mohammed. It’s rather an aporia.
Jesus. That makes us pariahs!
Moses. Of a peculiar kind.
Mohammed. What about evidence? Didn’t we display proves as substance of things not seen?
Moses. (Insightfully) There are no miracles!
Jesus. They are mentioned in the Holy Book!
Moses. Exactly right!
Mohammed. (Proudly) I had a fair share of them myself.
Moses. Miracles are panoply of sheer wit and mysticism. They can strike the eyes of the least sensible, but never own the minds of the least reasonable.
Jesus. what is Reason?
Mohammed. Being right at all costs.
Moses. It means whenever you find a trace of evidence, you just look for more. (Adds with precaution) We depicted unnatural things to utterly natural men. That was our mistake. Or, rather, (Quietly) His mistake!
Jesus. And they believed. Didn’t they?
Mohammed. (Seriously) Not really. I had to take over!
Jesus. Your part was unsolicited.
Mohammed. There was a discontinuity.
Jesus. Of what?
Moses. Discontinuity? Ha? A failure you mean, my son.
Mohammed. We didn’t fail. We completed each other’s part.
Moses. You were sent Down There because the Holy Plan had not been finished yet. Several changes had to be made. Including the Last Decree.
Mohammed. (With wrath) I had to do it! I’m proud of it, and will ever gloat over it.
Jesus. I never killed anyone in my life!
Mohammed. Because you are not a man enough to do it!
Jesus. And what do you know about manhood?
Mohammed. The smell of rust.
Jesus. What rust?
Mohammed. You’ll know when you die.
Jesus. I am already dead. We all are.
Moses. Not really! Let’s resume our perlustration. The third Law asseverates that thou shall die. What do we know about Death?
Mohammed. It’s always out of the noblest motifs.
Jesus. It’s so painful.
Mohammed. (To Jesus) Why did you choose to die that way?
Jesus. what!? You mean on a cross?
Mohammed. Yes.
Jesus. It was the cheapest way.
Moses. Death, my sons, represents the only palpable truth for humans. It’s the only evidence for a cycling life. The Cycle of Life as explained by the Holy Book gives account of creation and Divine Intercession. It entails Three basic phases. Birth, Life, and After-Life. The first phase suggests that man is master of himself. The second one recognizes God’s ruling over man, and the final one the Existence of another life after death. A life of an entirely different structure and purpose. The only Prove that the Eternal Place truly exists.
Mohammed. What purpose?
Jesus. What structure?
Moses. It’ a secret. And a big one for that matter.
Mohammed. There are no more secrets. the Holy Place is bereft of secrets.
Moses. But not of subterfuge!
(Heavy knock on door. The second concubine opens it. A celestine enters the room. Dressed in a black robe. He carries a scroll. Checks the room as if to make sure all are gathered)
Moses. (Jovially) To what do we owe the pleasure?
Celestine. His mighty peace be upon you all. The Holy Father has sent me to deliver so urgent a letter.
Moses. Most certainly!
Celestine. (Reads with rigor) This is the Lord thy Holy Father. Creator of The Eternal Place, People Down There, and everything that liveth and breathes upon the Mighty Land. The Kingdom, the power, and the glory is mine forever. It is long written in the Holy Book that the Land Down There shall be given unto the righteous. And no erring Soul shall dwell upon it, nor inherit it, for evermore. Today makes the sixth day of the sixth month in Our Holy Calendar, the birthday of thy Holy Father. You are hereby invited to partake in the festivities this very day. You shall gourmandize, coitize, and exceedingly rejoice. Thy Holy Father, blessed His name, for evermore. (The Celestine folds the epistle. Leaves promptly)
Mohammed. (Cunningly) He is too old for a birthday!
Jesus. (To Moses) Do you think he will deliver a speech as usual?
Mohammed. He always does that every year. He speechifies!
Moses. He will certainly make something out of this feast.
Mohammed. He always prattles about Regularities.
Moses. This time, I trust, He would have novelties to lay out for discussion.
Mohammed. Discussion! Not a chance. We are never allowed to talk, let alone to ask questions.
Moses. That’s the whole point of the Holy Meeting. As the fourth Law opines, thou shall meet
Me. It obviously doesn’t say much, yet at the Holy Meeting we don’t only felicitate the Holy Father’s Birthday, but we learn how to keep the meeting holy.
Mohammed. (Quietly) I find the Holy Meeting completely dull.
Jesus. I second that!
Moses. Be quiet! (Checks windows) I agree, but we should be careful, especially today!

CURTAIN




ACT 2

Scene: At the Holy Palace. A bevy of people are present. All the Abrahams are present except Jesus. They are seated on a mat, facing the Holy Rock. While they eat and drink, Moses seems troubled as to the whereabouts of Jesus. Clamour, clattering sounds reverberate. The Holy Father enters with pomposity and pedantry, escorted with his two sentinels, Gabriel and Michael. He looks over the place as if to check no one is amiss. Struts towards the Holy Rock, an elevated spot from which he speaks. Sudden silence takes place as He prepares to address guests.
Gabriel. (A Black Slave of young age. Carries a scroll. Stridently) All be stood! (They all stand) In the name of our Holy Father, creator of the People Down There, the Eternal Place, and The Bad Place, and many other things, some you have seen, some you have heard of, and some are still being devised. We solemnly pledge loyalty and kudos to our Mighty Father. We hereby, begin today s festivities. (Stops a while. Unfolds a scroll and starts reading) As we celebrate our Holy Father’s centennial anniversary, we find ourselves deeply owed to His good and wise ruling. The Holy Book tells us, in the beginning there was nothing, and then the Holy Father said let there be the Eternal Place, and lo! it was. He said let there be the Bad Place, and it was. He said let there be People Down There, and behold! it was. The Holy Father is best King amongst the best of all possible worlds. He is a Man of grace and wonder. A breastplate for his people. A shepherd of lambs and skewer of traitors. He is loved, feared, and never His name be put to spurn. (He folds the scroll and recoils)
The Holy Father. (An old, white, and bearded man. Stands on Holy Rock facing all presence. Raucously) In the name of the People Above, I would like to greet all of you and hope that this Centennial Meeting will be amongst the most historic in the history of all the worlds. In the name of the Human Gamut, presided over by your Holy Father, I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Our son Moses because he is attending the Holy Meeting for the 50th time, and we welcome him and his family as they are all together present. This Meeting is taking place in the midst of a myriad of challenges facing us, and the entire Eternal Place should come together and unite its efforts to resist Our common enemy, i,e. the Bad One. Other challenges are soon to be overcome, as several measures have been taken to that effect. As is known, the Vast Place was founded by the Four Fathers who overthrew the Bad One at the very beginning. Those Fathers made themselves ever-lasting leaders and rulers over the whole Vast Place. (Adds with vexation) The Vast Place was founded and hitherto run by those Four Fathers. That happened while all Gamut Leaders were absent. The Four Fathers created the Holy Book.
It gives undeniable authority to the People. (Peevishly) How did it come to happen, then, that all Four Fathers contradict the Holy Book. They have given themselves great authorities and privileges. We reject such proceedings, and we will never undertake them. What is stated and what we agreed on in the Holy Book contradicts the very existence of the Four Fathers. (The presence is addled) We hereby, neither accept nor uphold the authority of the Four Fathers. (The presence is dazzled) You must understand that the interest of the Fathers, not of Gamuts, is what drive the Vast Place. (Stops for a while as if to check the presence s reaction) As you all have probably heard by now, Your Holy Father has received a Manumission Letter from the Four Fathers, informing me that, according to a recent Meeting held by the Vast Place, I must either make palpable changes´-or-resign immediately in respect to the Will of the People. Yes, you are the People, my People. I have been your Leader for years. Conspiracies have been concocted against Us to hinder the course of Our Mighty Revolution. The Bad One has been prevailed over and ostracized, yet he is still hunkering down, in the shadows, relentlessly, awaiting to strike back. Dear Citizens, Today, we take no small measure of pride in celebrating the centennial anniversary of Your Holy Father. This year’s commemoration of this glorious occasion is taking place in a juncture marked by many accomplishments as well as challenges. The evolution of our Great Cause cannot be stopped. As for accomplishments, significant improvements are expected to include the People Down There. Your Holy Father, along with His Consulting People, is looking seriously through the recent remonstrations presented by the People Down There. This latter covers one major terrestrial problem, and that would be apostasy. Other than that, you (looks at presence), the People in Between, are expecting an augmentation in the amount of oats, mattocks for wells, and more concubines to supersede the shortage and fructify your offspring. (Digresses) Oh! I must add, coitus in public is not allowed anymore. You must do it only in the vicinity of your own houses. (Crossly) Conspirants are everywhere! They try to impede our Great Cause, thinking that I am a patrician. I am not. I am a revolutionary. A rebel. A man of war and action. An underdog who baulked at injustice and freed His own People. I am a liberator, not a tyrant. Let Them say what they want. Let them accuse me of that they want. They have long looked down to me. They have long looked down to you. They view you as nothing more than mere animals, vermin, to be squashed and crushed down. Your role is done, they say. I am no longer needed. I have become inimical, unwanted, a threat to you and the whole Vast Place. what a shame! What a sham. (Takes a while as to think about) Heroic knights of our victorious army, members of the Consulting Place, working people of the entire Eternal Place and People Down There, messengers, slaves and concubines. Today, we carry off a grand military parade to celebrate the 100th birth anniversary of your great leader the Holy Father. On this monumental occasion, I feel indebted to my forebear as I express my tremendous respect and boundless gratitude to the Holy Mother, the prime founder and the builder of the revolutionary army and the first to ever hold up the penance of triumphing spirit. Also, I would love to dedicate this occasion to express my respect to the anti-Bad One revolutionary martyrs, who gave their invaluable lives for the Eternal Place’s independence and the People’s liberation, everywhere in the Human Gamut. I eagerly salute the brave knights of our people’s army and all the people, who glorified this year’s crucial event with untrammeled fighting power and unparalleled achievements. This has come through the manifest of insurmountable heroism and blind devotion of our courageous men. My dear Citizens, the glorious period of your Holy Father nation is a history that proves, with striking clarity, the unalienable truth that progress and self-respect of a Gamut and people exist only when a consummate leader is obeyed. The very existence of our Gamut a century ago was puny and rickety, as many, hitherto, colonized Gamuts has had to endure servitude and abjectness as its destined end. Nevertheless, the 70-year timespan of your Holy Father’s ruling has quelled the bleak history of suffering, and preserved the dignity of our People to the most optimal level in the history of all the worlds. The history of our army — which started from two swords and has grown into the matchless powerful army that makes all the other Gamuts shiver and writhe — is unprecedented in the history of all possible worlds of military achievements. Military superiority is not a working of Developed Gamuts any more, and the time has gone forever when our enemies menaced and scared us with advanced armament. Today’s military demonstration will undoubtedly confirm this. My dear People, today we are standing at the crossroads of history, when a new era of prosperity and happiness begins. More than ever before, this goal has turned into a common responsibility as we all work together to make life in the Human Gamut more favorable. The multidimensional ambitions of our revolution and ultimate victory starts here in ---dir---ectly taking up the path of independence, the path of military supremacy, and the path of allegiance to your great leader, the Holy Father. In order for us to glorify the people, presence of military Gamut must be kept intact as we exert our way towards the final cause of building a powerful Gamut. Ultimately, we must strengthen the people’s military spirit in every way. The people’s army is a hasp that secures and enshrines the great cause of our beloved Gamut. The people’s army should be in ingenuous and organizational unity. It must dovetail Our ideas, strategies, and future goals. Our army’s unity is at the core of our society and the most important aspect of the revolutionary body. The army, along with the People, must lead the way and advocate for unity and cooperation against the anti-Holy Father partisans. Therefore, our people and army must, in unison, continue to support, promote the Holy Slogan, our world is the best, let us help the rest. The knights, men, women, servants, slaves, and concubines of the people must their duty and role not incorporate only the good deeds for the people, but to lead not only our people who are the best in all possible worlds, but all peoples in all Gamuts, who have become more conducive to our ideas and lifestyle. We must sprout what the Holy Mother sowed, that is to build a military and monetary powerful Gamut and improve the people’s wellbeing, and lead them to the final victory. My dear Citizens, our cause is just and the final goal of the Human Gamut is near. That is, leading the Vast Place with our own inveterate values and principles. We shall certainly win as your great Holy Father, whose name is ever living and thumping in the hearts of all the people---;--- whose name shall ever besot lovers and frighten enemies. I will be always a warrior who shares with you the selfsame spirit, sacrifice, and future prospects. Life and death will pave the road of our great cause to fulfill our responsibility towards the Human Gamut, and revolutionary spirit shall always mark our quest for justice and freedom for all. Let us all unite and stand powerfully with one body and one soul. (All prostrate)
(The Military parade begins with armed knights and festooned horses. Sound of trumpets and gongs echoes. The Holy Father is seated on a golden medieval chair)
Michael. (Propitiatingly)
The Holy Book is lithe,
It makes your heart blithe.
When you read it all,
It makes your mind gall.
When traitors are around,
Sword and blood abound.
The Holy Father is grace,
Finding Him needs no trace.
Death is but a ramp,
Don’t be afraid to camp.
Women love men with hair,
They make them feel fair.
My wench is too bold,
She says I’m too old.
The Holy Book is made of tar,
Never question Its mantic star.
The Ending is near,
Men will write it with tear. (They all cheer, applaud)
The Holy Father. (Gravely) We have decided that the People Down There are to be apprised of today’s progression.
Gabriel. (Shouting) Moses! You have been chosen to undertake this mission. Expect your Descendance in one day.
Moses. (Bows. Submissively) My Father!
The Holy Father. Very well then. That’s it for today s proceedings. (All prostrate)
Gabriel. (Kneels) Praised be the Holy Father.

CURTAIN




ACT 3

Scene: A torrid, vacant desert. Jesus, alone, seems lost. He tries to make his way home. As he scrambles up a dune, he notices foot traces. He is athirst, famished, and rabidly languid. He enters in a state of syncope. He suddenly falls down, his face heavenward. He imagines a figure nearby. He tries to talk, but can’t. He soliloquizes with strain.
Jesus. I have to go. They must be waiting for me now. (Coughs) I am late. I have to… (Too tired to talk)
The Bad One. (A young-man of appealing look and remarkable height. Dressed in odd, yet fashionable clothing as if precocious to his epoch. Humorously) Hello there, Yeshua! It’s been a while, I guess. Don’t tell me you don’t remember me? (Jesus looks at him with half-closed eyes, unable to see clearly) you look like shit man! Look at you. Hahaha!
Jesus. Who are you!? I have to get home. Can you…?
The Bad One. Oh! Did you forget about your old friend?
Jesus. (Gazes deeply. Recognizes his face) The Bad…
The Bad One. Well, I don’t personally prefer that name, but there are many who call me that, (humorously) including your god.
Jesus. Blasphemous…!
The Bad One. That’s called defamation nowadays man, so, you just can’t do it anymore. And to answer you, I have no gods. Since the day that I knew about the Big Secret, I stopped being a godly man,´-or-as your people call it, a Christian. By the way, you left quite a mess Down There!
Jesus. (Intrigued) What happened?
Jesus. Ah! It’s a long story. (Looks at Jesus) But I bet you want to hear it, don’t you? Well, to start with, your god has royally fucked things up. That’s exactly what he’s done. Let me break it down to you as a fable. Since the very beginning there was nothing, and I was, only I. The People Up There created me to fulfill a prophecy, you see. There was a Law that ever existed, Nolite te mendax imperare, are you familiar with it? (Continues carelessly) Which literally means don’t let the fuckers rule over you. Well, what happened after that was that everything went wrong with the Four Fathers. Things got out of control. They went fucking mad. They created things that didn’t deserve. They made Humans, like I wasn’t good enough. They made women. You have no idea how noisy and sulky those things can be! Other than that, there are celestines and concubines. Ah! How I miss them big-breasted whores! You know, I really miss having sex with them. You know, the way you get to slap them during intercourse. You can pretty much do whatever you want to do with them. They can even go down on you if you like it. Even sell them if you can’t stand the bitches anymore.
Jesus. (Irritated) You damned devil!
The Bad One. But enough of that. like I was saying cross-man, the Four Fathers went completely unhinged. Masters of the Vast Place, they felt they can make the most of it. I said to myself, why not me! The hell with it. So, I just let loose. You know, just the usual, with extra condiments on the side. Fucking, drinking, eating, and above all, eternal youth. Just imagine yourself eating luxurious food, drinking tasty wine, and walking about half-erect all day long, lusting after women with absolutely the same passion and strength, for eternity, you are talking about a true goddamn paradise. Years went by with about the same rhythm. The Four Fathers initiated the Ruling Decree. I’m sure you haven’t heard of it, ah! Who am I kidding? Well, that’s a kind of a law dividing the whole Vast Place into Gamuts, so that each one would have a Ruling Leader.
Jesus. Was the Holy Father…?
The Bad One. (Answers as if understands) listen! There is nothing holy about that son of a bitch, all right. Did you know that he used to be a servant! Hahaha! His Mightiness used to clean up latrines, and open doors. That’s the whole truth about your precious god.
Jesus. What are you talking about, devil?
The Bad One. Let me ask you a question. What do you think your holy father used to do before his so-called revolution? Today is the bastard’s birthday. Today he completes a century. Can you believe it? That old fart! (Searches for a plastic water bottle. Brings it up. And helps Jesus drink)
Jesus. (Feebly) Give me more!
The Bad One. (Hands him the bottle) Just keep the thing. I don’t need it. Not like I’m going to stay here anyway. So, where were we? Oh! Yes. I was telling you about the Holy Mother.
Jesus. (Feeling better) Is it true?
The Bad One. Oh! Yes. So very true. Well, what happened exactly was that the Four Fathers agreed to accede the Holy Mother to the throne. But let’s just go back in time a little bit. The Holy Mother is a woman of human nature. She was the first woman to be created by the Four
Fathers. You see, that’s the deal with your holy books, they are either mistaken,´-or-incomplete. She was made as paragon for the entire human kind. Then they, for the sake of cohabitation and afterwards politics, decided to render humans in their own image and according to their likeness---;--- evil, covetous, and never say enough.
Jesus. (Angrily) Liar!
The Bad One. Oh, really! Let’s see about that. As I remember, The Holy Mother, a woman so beautiful and bright, was really excited and determined about her new assignment. When she was officiated at the human Gamut, I remember she had many plans and decrees as to how the People Down there should be managed. Nolite te mendax imperare, that was her first Law, and the only one for that matter. At that time, your holy sucker was working as her servant. So boyish, frumpish, and dilettantish, the son of a bitch couldn’t even say his name right. Did you know that during her reign, there was no Bad Place, no sex allowed, no concubines, and no drinking in Divine Land. All her knights and servants acted as principled and true representatives of her Holy Name. I still very much remember the day I descended with her on the Eternal Place. you see, I was her servant myself. She treated me with total respect and appreciation. She never called me a bad name, nor downgraded my presence. Unlike your pal, she was a darling mater!
Jesus. (Interestingly) What about the Holy Father?
The Bad One. He got ravenous. that’s been his problem all along.
Jesus. Hungry for what?
The Bad One. Hungry for pussy. Hahaha!
Jesus. Devilish!
The Bad One. Do you know that People Down There have changed greatly since the old days when you left them, my friend. You see now, they have evolved. That means they are better now, well, at least, they see themselves as improved. Well, that’s the not the issue her. What
I’m trying to tell you is that they have discovered something very important. They realized that the quest for sex leads to survival, the thing which, a posteriori, shape the very foundation of their earthly life. So, they just adapt and go with it. It’s their Holy Law. So, when I told you just a minute ago that your god is hungry for pussy, I was not mistaken. He was hungry for pussy which is synonymous to hunger for power, money, and eternity. Do you see the connection?
Jesus. (Tiringly) Tell me more about the People Down There.
The Bad One. What do you want to know?
Jesus. Are they still…?
The Bad One. Still what? Believers you mean?
Jesus. Yes.
The Bad One. Oh, yes, they believe all right. They still believe in your bullshit rodomontades.
Tell me this, have you met anyone from the People Down There yet, while you’re here?
Jesus. (Hesitantly) No!
The Bad One. What went wrong, then?
Jesus. It must be the Will of the Holy Father. His wisdom is beyond…
The Bad One. Beyond what? Nothing. That’s another synonym of your god. People Down
There just die and become nothing. They believe things they read. That’s another human tragedy. Things you had preached a long time ago. Things written by a knave. Oh, yes. Your god is a godly killer. I have seen it myself. The way he turned against the Holy Mother. The way he plotted against her. The way he beheaded her. I had seen it all, and I had nothing to do with it. that’s why my presence was no longer needed at the time. I was a witness to the whole fucking charade. I was labeled enemy of the revolution. What revolution! Does that ignorant even know the meaning of the word!?
Jesus. But the Holly Book tells us…
The Bad One. The Holly book, the Holy ---script---ure! I’m sick and tired of hearing about the fucking book. That’s another reason why your mission failed. Did you know that everything you preached had been, in a way´-or-another, lost. It’s always the same goddamn problem with men, you can never trust them. All your Laws and Orders are no more! People Down There have been killing each another for ages now. Only to prove that what you said, in a glimpse of time, is´-or-isn’t the absolute fucking truth.
Jesus. I just delivered what the Holy Father…
The Bad One. Your father is a fucking spoiled child, always subject to either his dick´-or-his anger. But let me tell you something really important since you brought up this entire matter of holly books. Do you know that more than half of the People Down There don’t believe in your candy-ass of a god anymore. People Down There have lost touch with the Sky. They no longer believe in Divine Soul. They have indulged in mundane pleasures, leaving no room for spirituality, true godliness,´-or-even love for that matter. All this because… Jesus. What!?
The Holy Father. Yes! I bet he told everything is so well Down There. Didn’t he? There is more. Do you know that your book, the one of Moses, and the one of Mohamed, they all contradict, much better, outlaw each another. Not only they glorify your false god, but they preach of an entirely wrong Ending. The People Down There are petrified, and even dubious, thinking that evil is God’s divine work. (Resentfully) It doesn’t have to be like that, you know!
Jesus. I thought that evil was over, since I…
The Bad One. Not that kind of evil, moron! I’m talking about a godly type of evil. I mean People Down There are daily threatened by disease, hunger, death, slavery, capitalism, earthquakes, the French language, and I might add dildos (Sniggers). Your god’s work is not good, is lesser than good, it’s fucking tawdry. Men have imbibed what was best for them, the ultimate way to control the People through the holly book. Your god has been absent from the human scene, and the People Down There naively believed his reveries and lies, all that while they lacked, to say the least, the fucking toilet paper!
Jesus. What’s that?
The Bad One. (Jovially) It’s something softer than a stone, you wipe your ass with it.
Jesus. (Laughs) You devil! (Serious) Capitalism, dildos, what are they?
The Bad One. Well, capitalism is a bettered word for slavery. A constant state of inferiority, unexpressed boredom, subterraneous degradation, and the daily feeling that your life worth jack shit.
Jesus. And dildos?
The Bad One. Oh! That would be its soothing palliative.
Jesus. What about the Ten Orders?
The Bad One. It’s like I said, there had been only one original Order. For practical reasons, it was dismissed. The ones you’re talking about deal mainly with shallow and preposterous things. Have you ever noticed how silly they are! I mean, though shall not make unto thee any graven images. Who, in your god’s graven ass, would want to do that! And yeah! Thou shall not kill.
Hahaha! You know, this reminds me of a famous writer Down There, he says it’s the time plague when madmen lead the blind. Killing, cross-man, is your god’s most favorite hobby. I myself prefer masturbation. It’s more satisfactory.
Jesus. (Stands with exertion) I must go now!
The Bad One. Suit yourself, cross-man. But, don’t you want to know the Big Secret?
Jesus. I thought you…
The Bad One. What! What I told you is not a secret. It’s common sense. Even People Down There know about it. Well, not all. At least not your followers. The Big Secret is a sacred word.
It is in between the following lines, so, listen heedfully and try not to forget (Slowly but surely):
My name is the Holy Fucker,
I kill my enemies with a dagger.
My dick is too bad,
It makes me so mad. Women get always cooler, when they see my tiny boner.
I have to burry my shame,
Someone must take the blame. (Adds with vividity) And so, it ends, cross-man, as everything is meant to! I’m sure we will meet again soon.
Jesus. (Stands and exerts his way homeward. Soliloquizes) This must be a trick! It can’t be! I can’t believe it. (Repeats the lines) My name is the holy…

CURTAIN




ACT 4

Scene: Evening, at the Abraham’s house. All the family is there except Jesus. Moses looks concerned, as the family discusses today’s developments. Mohammed is standing next to the door, expecting Jesus’ arrival. Moses is seated on the ground, as if in a state of transcendence. Utter silence dominates the place.
Mohammed. (Worriedly) I wonder where is Jesus? He didn’t attend the Meeting. It’s so strange of him.
Adam. Conventus!
Mohammed. Father? Did you hear what I said?
Moses. (Distantly) He must be out in the desert somewhere.
Mohammed. I know, but he’s never been this late before. It’s so odd. Don’t you think?
Moses. (As if disturbed) He will turn up soon!
Mohammed. I just can’t believe it!
Moses. (Angrily) I said…
Mohammed. (Interrupts) Not that! I mean what happened at the Meeting. All the novelties that have been vouchsafed. I just can’t believe it. A complot! he claims. The Four Fathers are trying to overthrow him. Well, obviously, they decreed his Manumission. So, it means that he must…
Moses. (Interjects. Aloud) Not one more word! The Holy Father is our master. The leader of our mighty revolution. Obedience is what we must accord.
Mohammed. (Flustered) What happened to you, old man?
Moses. I am terrified, that’s what is going on with me!
Mohammed. Terrified of what?
Moses. Of my Descendance.
Mohammed. Why did he choose you?
Moses. I think he heard us in the morning, when we talked about the Holy Mother.
Mohammed. Do you think he knows?
Moses. I’m afraid, yes.
Mohammed. To be true, his speech was expectedly humdrum, but this time, I might add it contained a touch of… let me think… Moses. Determination?
Mohammed. Defiance. Bravado, yes!
Moses. That’s what haunts me the most.
Mohammed. What?
Moses. I know about the Big Secret!
Mohammed. So?
Moses. It doesn’t make any sense. I hate to speculate, but it seems like an underhand ploy!
Mohammed. Maybe he just doesn’t know!
Moses. How can you say that! have you forgotten that He is the ever-lasting, all-existent, and all-knowing Father. He is probably listening to us this very moment!
Mohammed. We are free, aren’t we?
Moses. Free from what?
Mohammed. From the Bad One.
Moses. And Free to do what?
Mohammed. (Addled) To dwell the Eternal Place.
Moses. (Sadly) That’s all there is to it.
Mohammed. What do you mean?
Moses. I don’t wish to harp on it.
Mohammed. (Continues) As I see it, freedom is a lost concept. It caresses the most oppressed, but never satisfies the least blessed.
Moses. Do you see yourself blessed?
Mohammed. Oh! Me? (Discreetly) not here, not anymore. And you, father?
(Mohammed notices a dark figure approaching in his vicinity. Jesus waddles his way homeward. He enters the house. He looks tired, listless, and about to swoon. He sits down on the mat)
Jesus. Give me water, water!
Mohammed. (Hands him a clay jar. Drinks ferociously) What has come over you?
Jesus. (Lying supine. Talks pantingly) I met the Bad One!
Mohammed. (Shocked) What!?
Moses. Where!?
Jesus. In the desert.
Mohammed. Were you alone?
Jesus. Yes, all by myself.
Moses. (Anxiously) What happened? Did anyone else see you? What did you talk about?
Jesus. The Big Secret!
Moses. By God! What did he say?
Jesus. (Gasping) An enigma!
Mohammed. Of what kind?
Moses. What does it say?
Jesus. Everything happened so rapidly!
Mohammed. Are you sure it wasn’t just a dream?
Jesus. (With anguish) No! it was real. I saw him with my very eyes. Oh! I feel so cold!
Mohammed. (To Adam) Bring a blanket. Quick! (He brings it. Mohammed covers Jesus) What came upon you?
Jesus. (Feeling slightly better) As I was making my way to the Holy Meeting, I ambled by the Holy Mountain. It was a magnificent sight. The sun was clear, the moon near, and the breeze so dear. As I lay there, alone, overtaken by the beauty of the vista, something really strange wreaked upon me.
Moses. How many times have I told you that the Holy Mountain is where the demons live, don’t walk near it. You never listen to me!
Jesus. Well, I have met one. Not anyone. It’s the Bad One himself!
Mohammed. (Agog) What did he look like? What is he like?
Jesus. He was Human-like! Just like the rest of us, only taller, finer, and much imprudent.
Moses. (Sotto voce) Did he say anything about the Holy Mother?
Jesus. Yes, he did.
Moses. Do tell us!
Jesus. You were right, father. The Holy Father isn’t holy at all.
Moses. By God! Did he tell you the Big Secret?
Jesus. (Disconcerted) Not straightly.
Mohammed. How then?
Jesus. I told you. They were couplets. I didn’t understand them myself.
Moses. Do you still remember them?
Jesus. yes.
Moses. Tell us, now!
Jesus. I can’t.
Mohammed. Why not?
Jesus. It’s very profane.
Mohammed. (Checks windows and returns) Does it say anything about the Holy Father?
Jesus. The worst things ever uttered! (Stops for a while to gather his thoughts)
My name is the Holy Fucker,
I kill my enemies with a dagger.
My dick is too bad,
It makes me so mad. Women get always cooler, when they see my tiny boner.
I have to burry my shame, Someone must take the blame.
Mohammed. Hateful!
Moses. (Quietly) Truthful!
Jesus. The Bad One told me that the Big Secret is a Sacred Word. Is that true, father?
Moses. Yes.
Mohammed. Which one is it, then?
Moses. No one really knows! (A knock on the door. Michael enters. Holds a scroll. Reads stringently)
Michael. (Reads, shrilly) This is the Lord thy Holy Father. Creator of The Eternal Place, People Down There, and everything that liveth and breathes upon the Mighty Land. The Kingdom, the power, and the glory is mine forever. It is long written in the Holy Book that the Vast Place shall be given unto the righteous. And no erring Soul shall dwell upon it, nor inherit it, for evermore. It has been decreed earlier that the People Down There shall receive an Expurgation. It is the first ever of its kind. Therefore, a messenger is needed to complete this task. Moses, my son, you are hereby required to descend and propagate thy Father’s good work. Thy Holy Father, blessed His name, for evermore. (To Moses) We must depart now! Gabriel is awaiting you.
Moses. (His children gather around him) My beloved children, I didn’t expect to leave you this soon. We have a lot to discuss. But I promise you, we will get through everything when I return. Take care of yourselves. (To Mohammed) You are the eldest, Mohammed. I entrust you with your brothers. Now, be safe and sound. (The two concubines start weeping) I must go now! (He leaves, escorted by Michael)

CURTAIN





ACT 5

Scene: Night. Moses and Michael are stumbling through a pebbly route. They are in the vicinity of the Holy River, where Gabriel is waiting for them, accompanied with a white mule. When they get near a cliff, Michael takes out a dagger and stabs Moses in the heart. He afterwards beheads him. He throws the corpse into water.
Gabriel. (Unable to see clearly) Who is it? Is that you Michael?
Michael. (Carrying Moses’s head) It’s I (Sweeps blood off his hand) Gabriel. You idiot! I told you to do it outside his house, not here.
Michael. Oh! Shut up. What’s the difference!
Gabriel. Look at you! All covered in blood. You are in quite a mess.
Michael. This damn blood! It doesn’t come off easily. (Spits on his hands and scrubs) Gabriel. This is repulsive!
Michael. Next time you do it! (Keeps scrubbing) Do you know what the best thing about killing a man?
Gabriel. What is it?
Michael. He thinks you are doing him a favor.
Gabriel. So, how was it with Moses?
Michael. It was easy. He didn’t resist it.
Gabriel. Did you have to cajole him?
Michael. Not really. I think the moment we stepped out of his house, he felt it.
Gabriel. He felt what?
Michael. Death.
Gabriel. What is it like?
Michael. How would I know!
Gabriel. Did he have any last words?
Michael. Yes.
Gabriel. What were they?
Michael. Mere prattling. He spoke in fragments. I couldn’t understand. He said words like mother, bad, dick… just a bundle of that kind. I think he was hallucinating.
Gabriel. (Longingly) Old Moses. He was a good man!
Michael. He is a dead man. So, it doesn’t really matter. Does it?
Gabriel. Why do you think he was expurgated?
Michael. (Suspiciously) We are not allowed to ask.
Gabriel. I know that. (Curiously) But, I mean the man did everything he was supposed to do.
He never asked a question. He always followed Orders.
Michael. (Insistently) Do you know what’s the best thing about Orders?
Gabriel. What’s that?
Michael. Orders make life easier.
Gabriel. And killing?
Michael. Nobler! Orders give killing a sanctity. An unquestionable motif. A reason to do it even more, and mostly for faint trivialities.
(Mohammed was skulking behind them. He witnesses the whole incident. He tries to break his tears, but fails. He sights his father’s severed head. He approaches with hollering imprecation.) Mohammed. My father! (Grabs the head. Starts crying) What have they done to you!?
(Michael and Gabriel are nonplused as how to react. Michael hauls Jesus by the shoulder. Jesus strikes him in the face. They both grapple on the ground. Gabriel takes out his sword. He wields it. Tries to scare Mohammed. He gores him in the stomach. Jesus falls down.)
Michael. (To Gabriel. Furiously) What have you done, you idiot!
Gabriel. (Confounded) I didn’t mean to gash him. I just wanted to scare him away. That’s all. (They both gaze at him, undecidedly) Do you think he’s dead?
Michael. How would I know!? You maimed him.
Gabriel. (Stoops down. He checks his heart pulse) I believe he is.
Michael. What!? (He kneels down. He checks again. Despondently) He’s dead. You stupid fool! (Silence presides)
Gabriel. (Terrified. Throws away his sword.) What will we do? The Holy Father will kill me!
Michael. Shut up! You ignoramus! Just let me think.
Gabriel. (Wailing) What have I done! I murdered a messenger! I have never killed anyone in my life. This is horrible! Oh! I just can’t stand the view of it.
Michael. Look at you! grumbling and weeping like a woman. (Gabriel keeps weeping) Now, look! (Lifts his head up) look at me you idiot! There is only one way to absolve ourselves out of this one. Are you listening to me? Hey! (Lifts up his head. Gabriel looks half attentive) Do you still have the Expurgation Order?
Gabriel. (Yieldingly) Yes!
Michael. Give it to me. (He hands it over) The Order instructs us to expurgate Moses only. Right? Let me see. (He reads on the Order) This is the Lord thy Holy Father. Creator of The Eternal Place, People Down There, and everything that liveth and breathes upon the Mighty Land. The Kingdom, the power, and the glory is mine forever. It is long written in the Holy Book that the Vast Place shall be given unto the righteous. And no erring Soul shall dwell upon it, nor inherit it, for evermore. It has been decreed earlier that Moses shall be expurgated. It is the first ever of its kind. Therefore, you are ordered to complete this task. Thy Holy Father, blessed His Merciful name, for evermore.
P. S. I want his head in a basket. (To Gabriel) Where is the basket?
Gabriel. Hanged to the saddle.
Michael. (He goes. Fetches it. He looks for Moses’s head. Puts in the basket) Do you still remember what I told you about killing? Ha! Being the only way for redemption?
Gabriel. Yes.
Michael. Do you trust me, Gabriel?
Gabriel. (Dejectedly) Beyond any doubt.
Michael. (Resolutely) Now, stand up. Carry the corpse and place it on the muleback.
Gabriel. (Nervously) Where are we going? What are we going to do?
Michael. The only thing a man should do when facing God.
Gabriel. What’s that?
Michael. That would be scheming!

CURTAIN




ACT 6

Scene: At the People Up There’s Palace. The Four Fathers are all summoned. They are all old, brawny, and dressed in white togas. They discuss the killing of Moses. They are all seated on chairs, surrounding a large table. They seem disordered as their voices resonate through the place.
The First Father. (Assuredly) Order! Order! Order, please! (They all comply) Fathers, we are gathered here today to discuss a very pressing matter. As you all know, a grave crime has taken place at the Human Gamut.
The Second Father. A murderer is off the leash! You should have killed that animal a long time ago!
The Third Father. (Disapprovingly) Let us not talk about killing, please.
The Fourth Father. Didn’t we decree his Manumission?
The Second Father. Yes, we sent him a letter, (Bitterly) like that would work!
The Fourth Father. What did he say?
The Second Father. He didn’t write back. Our reports confirm that he chose confrontation!
The First Father. We are still unsure of that. Perhaps, he’s just feeling hopeless.
The Second Father. I always thought that choosing him was a mistake. The worst ever, I might add.
The Fourth Father. You never told us that!
The First Father. We didn’t choose him. Did you forget what happened?
The Second Father. Well, I’m not a partisan of traitors myself!
The First Father. Let’s not get into that for the moment. It’s not really the proper time.
The Third Father. What do we know about His People?
The First Father. His People Down There are no longer under his command. Many breakthroughs and novelties have ensued. I would venture to say that things are out of control!
The Second Father. To be true, I’m not really surprised.
The Third Father. What do you mean out of control?
The First Father. People Down There have lost contact with Us. They have reached the tenth level of Escalation.
The Fourth Father. (Impressed) This fast?
The First Father. They evolve quickly, what can I say else.
The Second Father. You know what that means, don’t you?
The First Father. (Severely) Yes.
The Second Father. Then, why are you acting so tepid?
The First Father. I’m not.
The Second Father. (Angrily) They made bombs, planes, even space machines for my concubine’s sake! What are we waiting for? A total invasion?
The First Father. Calm Down, Father! I know what’s going on Down There.
The Second Father. Then you should know best what to do. That idiot just made things even worse. He killed one of his messengers. That imbecile!
The Third Father. Ah! That’s just horrible!
The Fourth Father. What do you suggest we do?
The Second Father. I say we attack with all our might and power.
The Fourth Father. (Stupefied) A total war!?
The Third Father. Please, let’s not talk about war. It’s not the only option we have. We can reason with the Holy Father. Well, I know he became disobedient, but there are other measures as to how we treat insubordination.
The First Father. (Serenely) That’s true.
The Fourth Father. We can send him another reminder.
The Second Father. We have already sent one. I think that’s enough. We can no longer indulge him! He killed a messenger, and he will most likely do it again. Can’t you see he became dangerous? He’s even challenging Us militarily.
The First Father. (Definitely) What he does in his own Gamut is an eternal matter. We can’t intervene. You know that.
The Fourth Father. The Law here states that…
The Second Father. (Interruptingly) Oh! Shut up. The Law is of our own making. What we say goes. That’s our Law. And we say that the Holy Father of the Human Gamut is a rebel. So, it’s lawful.
The Third Father. What are you saying?
The Second Father. I’m talking about a code-ten!
The First Father. (Enraged. He bangs down the table) Enough! Have you even thought about the consequences of it? I can have him killed this very instant, but I choose not to. Have you thought about the People Down There? The Holy Father has-limit-less authority over His People. He has access to the Human Gamut unrestrictedly. Do you know what that means? It means that if we kill him, we might shake the stance of the People Down There,´-or-at least what’s left of it. It’s too risky. We can’t do it. At least, not for now. I say we pet the animal! (Ponderously) And let him guard the sheep! (Composedly) It’s purely prophylactic. What do you think? (They all unanimously agree. He Rummages through a bundle of scrolls) If there are no questions, I think we should move on to other matters.

CURTAIN




ACT 7

Scene: At the Holy Palace. The Holy Father, sitting on a golden medieval chair, surrounded by food, wine, and blonde concubines, is in a state of merriment. A sudden commotion is heard. Enter Michael and Gabriel. They captured the rest of the Abraham family. They are shackled, yoked, and severely beaten.
The Holy Father. (Perplexed) What is this noise that I am hearing?
Michael. (Enters. Prostrates) My Holy Father, praised be your name!
The Holy Father. What is happening here?
Michael. (Vehemently) A complot, my Holy Father! A trespass against your Noble Name. (Bows down) I come here before you to protest a grave injustice. A plot has been in progress by the hands of the Abrahams. That man standing there, (points to Jesus) is the Bad One’s companion. He might as well be the Bad One himself, in disguise.
The Holy Father. (Unbelieved) What!?
Michael. Yes, Father. He is an enemy of your glorious Revolution. And I can prove it. (He hastens towards Jesus. jostles him. To Jesus) Look what I found with him! (He brings up a tiny scroll)
The Holy Father. (Eagerly) What is that?
Michael. My proof of the Unseen. The Bad One’s own words!
The Holy Father. (Stands. Heads towards Michael. Reads the scroll. Feels appalled and raged.
He now goes to Jesus.) Is this of your own making? (Irritated) Did you write this blasphemy?
Jesus. (Determinately) yes!
Michael. (Excitedly) He admits!
The Holy Father. Why did you write this?
Jesus. To keep the Holy Word.
The Holy Father. (Dumbfounded) What did you say!? How do you know about the Holy Word?
Who told you about it?
Jesus. The Bad One himself!
Michael. I told you! He is a damned conspirant.
The Holy Father. (To Jesus. Inquisitively) What did he tell you else?
Jesus. (Defiantly) The Holy Word shall call you to judgment!
Michael. (Hysterically. All sentry, concubines are shocked) Blasphemy! Apostasy!
The Holy Father. (Holds Jesus by the hair. Spits on his face. To Michael) Stand him still. (Slaps him repeatedly)
Jesus. (Innocently) I no longer believe in you. I renounce you. I have long worshipped, cherished, and adulated you. But, now, I am awakened. I am awakened, and I surrender to my own destiny. It is written by me. By me. And that’s my tragedy. The Bad One will never abandon me. I will dwell in him, and he in me. I know why I am going to die. (To all) Do you know why you are going to kill me?
The Holy Father. Scoundrel! Rebel!
Jesus. (Desperately) Because you are not God!
The Holy Father. That’s it with your impudence. You will be put to the sword now! (To Gabriel) Hand me the sword. (He does. The Holy Father takes a while) I have a better idea. (To Jesus) I will make you suffer like never before. And that will be your real tragedy. (Yelling) Bring in the cross! (Gabriel and Michal fetch it. It’s white, tall, and slightly heavy.) Now, you will pay for your revolt. You vermin! Do you hear me? You will savor the taste of your treachery (Slaps him in the cheek) Now, look what have you done? My hand is daubed with your filthy blood. Now, nail him down. No, wait! (He goes back to his chair. Sits down. Sweeps his hand. Drinks wine. And have his concubines embrace him) Now, nail him down! (Michael and Gabriel nail him from wrists and ankles. Jesus screams in great pain) Now lift it up! (The Holy Father relishes the scene, while Jesus suffers doubled torment. Michael and Gabriel lift the cross. They put it in a hole. To Jesus) Look at you now, you godless louse. Where is the Bad One to help you? Why don’t you pray to him now? (They all spit on him. they throw stones at him, calling him godless, blasphemous, and devilish)
Jesus. (Dying on the cross. Meticulously)
My name is the Holy Fucker,
I kill my enemies with a dagger.
My dick is too bad,
It makes me so mad. Women get always cooler, when they see my tiny boner.
I have to burry my shame,
Someone must take the blame. (They all regard him with scorn, yet with marked pity)

CURTAIN





ACT 8

Scene: Jesus is taken down from the cross, and laid on the ground. He looks pallid, peaceful. Adam and the two concubines encircle him. They look at him with anguish and deep perlustration.
Adam. (Heart-rendingly) My brother. Wake up! (The first concubine hugs Adam. The second one caresses Jesus’s bloody hair) Yeshua! Yeshua! Why doesn’t he answer me? Why is he not talking?
The first concubine. (Comfortingly) He is a.
The second concubine. So tenderly.
The first concubine. Do you think he will ever wake up again?
The second concubine. I hope not.
(The Bad One enters. Squats down next to Jesus’s corpse. Regretfully) And here we meet again, cross-man! (Lifts his head delicately) Look at you. So young, beautiful, and yet reckless. Didn’t you believe me when I long said that gods are undependable. Sooner´-or-later, they will break your heart. You pray, suffer, and yield for the bastard. And how does he reward you? He hangs you on a cross. That’s not even a noble way to go. God must be a lonely man, my friend. He doesn’t love half much as I do. You know what’s the problem with your god, he lacks romance in his life. (Fondles his hair gently. Softly adds) I love you, cross-man! I really do. Until death do its part! Right!?
(They all step back, prostrate in front of Jesus’s bloody corpse)

CURTAIN


THE END

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