We Teach People How To Treat Us

We Teach People How To Treat Us

“We teach people how to treat us. “ Dr. Phillip C McGraw

I believe you and I teach people how to treat us. We do this constantly by the silent signals we send out, and we seldom become aware of it until our discomfort forcefully bring it to our attention. Let’s investigate how to get ahead of this aspect of the game and create more comfort for ourselves.

Relationships between people is a great place to begin. Choose one relationship in your life with the most discomfort. It might be with your mate. It might be with someone at work. It might be a parent. Let’s look at it objectively and see if we can deduce how to create more comfort for ourselves. Be respectful of the other; be firm about your wishes.

In the relationship you chose to examine, can you classify objectively how you are being treated without making the other involved a bad guy? It’s about their actions, not who they are. Are they treating you disrespectfully, high handedly, abusively, selfishly or some other way?

For the sake of our example, let’s say the classification is ‘selfishly.” Ask yourself these questions?

• What am I doing or thinking to reinforce or permit this selfish behavior toward me?
• What are the payoffs I get from being treated this way?
• How am I rewarding this other when he/she treats me selfishly?

Everyone wants to be treated with respect and with dignity. It is only from a strong platform that you can hope to change your current relationship with that other. You will have to sketch out the words to conduct a dialog with them that will change forever more the manner in which they now treat you, and you will have to maintain a strong sense of who you know yourself to be to get the changes you want. It might take more than one conversation.

• Decide that you will not slip into your old patterns with this other who has been treating you selfishly.
• Craft a strong sense of the new format of your relationship with him/her.
• Become vigilant and stop his/her every attempt at the old manner of relating.
• Firmly resolve that you will be adamant about how you want to be treated going into the future, because if you slip, you’ll just be training him/her that you can be coerced yet again!

“You” are the very best thing you have in your one sweet life. One of the greatest things about your life is that you get to grow it in the way that you like most. You do that through a mental process of deciding, and then sticking with your decision. You are the only one who can do that for you. You are the only one who can say “I don’t deserve xxx” but I do deserve this bettered, more respectful way.” The first stand you take for the “you” you want to be is the most difficult and requires the most courage. Subsequent times become easier. I encourage you to accomplish that first time. You deserve to have it as you like it.


“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” - Sonya Friedman

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